Friday, March 28, 2014

I'm an addict.

The irony of this post is it's effect on my addiction. I'm addicted to what others think of me. I have always thought I had to be attractive, or smart, or funny, or successful to have anyone like me. It's true.

Recently, I've been reading a rough copy of Donald Miller's upcoming novel, Scary Close. I'm always amazed at how he says what's in my head already. In his words, I find someone else who struggles with this same addiction. It's comforting, but also awakens me to the fact that so many of us do the same thing. We hide behind what we hope people like about us, and therefore, we are never our true self. 

That's scary to me.

I'm admitting my addiction to you, so that maybe I can start to heal from it before it's too late. Honestly, I want to be liked for who I am at my very core. 

No matter what the future holds, the people that authentically love us, will be there until the end.

So, I am not my past. I am not my future. I am me. I was formed in the hands of a perfect Creator, and I poorly represent myself and Him daily. I have inside this meager flesh a heart of a lion. Anything good or impressive that I have ever done is not me, it's the One who made me making diamonds from coal. 

I'm an addict. But I don't want to live that way anymore. Today, I want to be free.